Nocte of Desperatio

“How many times have I embraced your dead body?”

I’ve finally decided which image uses for this song; it’s really similar to another pic a friend of mine show me, but I personally prefer this one. I’d rather posted a pic according to the opening phrase, but I couldn’t find any great. So, this is my choice~

I planned quite a some time ago to translate this song, because is beautiful, and the translation which already exists is not that good. Well, I won’t talk a lot this time, I want just to say: listen to this song, and to the whole album. Chata’s voice is awesome. °Ciel’s voice is awesome. Lyrics are awesome. The arrangements are awesome.

For the sake of completeness, if you want to listen to the song and/or read another translation, click here.


The lyrics are took from the PV and from the booklet, because I wanted to work in this way. Plus, I’ve avoided to put a single note for each time I’ve decided to translate something slightly different (expecially some verbs I’ve putted at the potential form, or at the past, because they fit more the phrases, or for the consecutio temporum).
Before you start reading the rest of the notes, this song is full of spoilers, and so the notes are. So think twice about reading this. Stated this, hope you’ll enjoy it.

鈍色の空 | Under a”; there’s no “under” in the japanese text, but it sounds better in this way in my opinion. “The dark grey sky” can be read also as “A dull day”. Anyway, if you have in your mind the last Madoka’s episode, you’ll have no problem if figure out what the scenario and choice of terms is.
願うだけでは | With this”; read this as “There’s only a thing which I really want. But this thing is the only one which can’t become true”. If it helps, think about these words as a pray Homura says because…continue to read.
私を守る誇りを | The pride you had to protect me”; I’m pretty sure this is a referece to the fact that in the first place, Madoka protected Homura, and only after this Homura herself decided to became a Mahou Shoujou.
繰り返す悪夢 | This nightmare”; before someone starts say “IT’S YUME NOT AKUMU” like it happened in the video’s comments, “nightmare” is pronounced as “dream”. But considering the context, the song, the arrangement, everything, “nightmare” is tons of times better than “dream”. The second part of the phrase, it’s a reference -I think- to the fact that Homura, even if she keeps turning back time, repeating the same days over and over again, she can’t find a way to save Madoka.
変えれぬ運命 | I can’t change your fate”; fate is written as “unmei” and read as “sadame”, but it actually doesn’t change much, since “sadame” means “fate/destiny” too.
それだけまどかの因果が増える | Madoka’s misfortune”; I’ve translated this as “misfortune” instead of “Karma” because QB said “A Mahou Shojou’s power depends on how much misfortune she has. I couldn’t understand why Madoka, a girl with an ordinary life, has such an enormous power”, or something among those lines. I could’ve used “Karma”, and the meaning would have been the same, but in my opinion “misfortune” is more appropriated, and if you’ve watched the serie, you can clearly understand.

Title: Nocte of Desperatio
Vocal: 茶太 (Chata)
Arrangement: HIR
Lyrics: kyrie
Album: Agedum! Puella Magica!
Circle: Visual Work Station
Event: C80
Original: Surgam Identidem | Theme of Walpurgisnacht

Nocte of Desperatio


mou, dareni mo tayoranai
dareni wakatte morau hitsuyou wa nai
Madoka wo tatakawasenai

Now, I won’t rely on anybody anymore
No one needs to understand my choice
I won’t let Madoka fight again


nibiiru no sora
kurayami ga daichi o somete yuku

Under a dark grey sky
The darkness is dyeing the Earth


kono iroaseta sekai no subete ga
naraku e shizumu

This faded world will completely
Sink in hell


「anata wo mamoritai」
negau dake de wa
asu e tadoritsukenai

「I want to protect you」
With this only wish
I can’t reach a tomorrow


chiisana kata o furuwasete itta

My little shoulder trembled and I said


“genki de ne” to

“Take care”


watashi wo mamoru hokori wo
yuuki ni kaete

The pride you had to protect me
I’ll turn it into bravery


datta hitori demo

But I’m all alone


kurikaesu. watashi wa nandodemo kurikaesu
onaji jikan wo nandodemo meguri, datta hitotsu no deguchi wo saguru.
anata wo, zetsubou no unmei kara sukuidasu dou wo

Its still repeating. I’ve repeated it many times
The same, identical, time repeated over and over again, seeking for an exit.
An exit, a way to free you from your hopeless fate


kaikou no toki
sashi noberareta te ga
konnanimo kabosoi nante
omoi moshinakatta

The moment we met
My hand was stretched out
But how fragile it was
I never realized it


ano egao ni

For that smile


kanarazu mukuitai
anata ni aete
watashi wa kawareta no ni

I still want to repay you
I met you
And you made me change


kurikaesu yume
minoranai gisei

This nightmare is repeating
My sacrifice isn’t enough


sekai no hate de
nando anata no nakigara daite
musebi naita darou ka

It’s the end of the world
How many times have I embraced your dead body
Choking myself in tears?


todokanai koe
kurooshii muryoku

My voice can’t reach you
My powerlessness drives me crazy


kaerenu sadame
sakamaku sekai
michishirube dake tayori ni arukitsudzukeru

I can’t change your fate
The world surges
But I keep walking, relying only on my will


tatta hitori no, watashi no tomodachi
anata no… anata no tame nara
watashi wa eien no meiro ni tojikomerarete mo
hontou no kimachi nande, tsutaerareru wakenai no yo

My one and only precious friend
For you… if it’s for your sake
Even if I will be trapped inside this endless maze
It wouldn’t matter
My true feelings, there’s no reason to tell them to you


anata o mamoru to chikatta ano hi
wasurenai yo

That day I swore to protect you
I won’t forget


kawashita yukusoku wo hatasu tameni
ima mo samayotteiru

A way to fulfill the promise we exchanged
I’m still searching it


tatta hitotsu nokotta negai
douka kienai de

I have only one wish left
Please, don’t disappear


tatoe yukete ni
zetsubou ga matteite mo

Even if on my path
Only more despair is awaiting


zutto hitoride mo

I’ve always been alone


kurikaeseba kurikaesu hodo
anata to watashi ga sugoshita jikan wa zurete iku
kimochi mo zurete
kotoba mo tsuujinaku natte iku

The more I repeat it, the more
You and I, the time we spent together, will disappear
Our feelings will fade
And our words won’t arrive anymore


sore dake Madoka no inga ga fueru
watashi no yattekita koto wa, kekkyoku…

If I repeat it again
Madoka’s misfortune will only increase
In the end everything I did so far, was just…

~ by Jaefine on March 25, 2012.

4 Responses to “Nocte of Desperatio”

  1. really thx for this!!!!!!!!!

  2. I can’t seem to find a version of Nocte of desperatio
    that includes all those lyrics.

    Anyway thank you, especially for the translation.

    • Because there isn’t. Some phrases are written only in the PV, but aren’t actually sung. Since they are strictly connected to the actual lyrics, I’ve decided to translate them as well, but you won’t hear them in the song.
      Sorry for the confusion-

  3. At first I thought it was confusing since I was really eager to hear all of those being sung. I just got a bit too excited because I honestly think that the whole Nocte of desperatio reflects Homura’s feelings on her mission surprisingly well.

    Then I figured out that there might not be any “original” version with more lyrics. Yet I remained curious about those “unsung” lyrics.

    One mystery solved! Thanks! :)

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